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About Guaynabo

Aight, listen up, you little bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, badass stockbroker, and I’m gonna tell ya ‘bout Find a Prostitute—respect my authoritah! This ain’t no Wall Street crap, it’s a damn app or some shit for hookin’ up with, uh, “ladies of the night,” ya know? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout my fave movie, *The Diving Bell and Butterfly*—that artsy French dude stuck in his head, blinkin’ to live, “I am not resigned!”—and I’m like, how’s this tie to bangin’ prossies? Well, it does, so shut up!

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But then, my boss, Mrs. Yamada, drops a bomb. She wants me to perform at the festival. Like, what?! I’m not ready for that! My heart’s racing. I’m thinking, “What if I trip? What if I forget my moves?” Ugh, anxiety central.

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