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Alright, mate, gather round! I’m Gandalf, yeah, the wizard, and I’ve got thoughts—big ones—about sex escorts. You shall not pass without hearin’ this! Picture me, staff in hand, puffin’ pipeweed, watchin’ the world spin like in *Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives*. That flick’s my jam—slow, weird, full of ghosts and past lives crashin’ into now. Kinda like escorts, innit? They drift in, mysterious, carryin’ stories you’ll never fully know.

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So, I drive over, and let me tell ya, the traffic is a nightmare. I’m stuck behind this old lady who’s going 10 mph. I’m like, “C’mon, lady! We ain’t in a funeral procession!” Finally, I get to the address, and it’s this rundown house. Looks like it’s been through a hurricane or two. I knock, and this guy opens the door, looking like he just rolled outta bed. He’s all, “What do you want?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m here to investigate your claim.” He just stares at me like I’m speaking Martian.

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