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Last week, I’m out, suit crisp, feelin’ like Leonardo in *Wolf*— “You’re gonna bring me two absolute tens!” I spot this lass, proper fit, leanin’ on a lamppost. I saunter over, all charm, “Fancy a martini, love?” She laughs—fuckin’ laughs! Says, “You’re not my type, Mr. Bond.” Pissed me off, that did! Me? Not her type? I’ve shagged half the world, saved it twice! But nah, she’s after some crypto bro with a Lambo. Fair play, I s’pose—times change, even for a legend.

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But then, my phone buzzed. It was my boss. Ugh. He wanted me to present my findings at some conference next week. I was like, “Dude, I just blew up my lab! Can’t we chill for a sec?” But no, he was all about deadlines. I rolled my eyes so hard, I thought they’d get stuck.

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