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About San Juan

But ugh, the judgy types—“Oh, she’s a whore, trash!”—make me wanna scream. Like, chill, Karen, you ain’t perfect either! *nasally* I’m over here yellin’, “Leave her be, she’s livin’!” Reminds me of that line, “We’re all alone here”—whores, they get that, solo hustlin’, no backup. Breaks my heart a lil, ya know?

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First off, I hit up Calle José de Diego for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting for my café con leche, and this dude walks in, all frantic. He’s like, “Did you hear about the fiesta at the plaza?” I’m like, “What fiesta?” Turns out, they’re throwing this huge bash at Plaza de la Revolución. I mean, who doesn’t love a good party, right? But I’m also thinking, “I got work to do!”

Fig. 1. Location of (A) the Lajas Valley Agricultural Reserve (LVAR) in...