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So, this site—dodgy as a wet ladder—promises “discreet company,” yeah? Little fact for ya: back in the ‘50s, prossies used coded ads in papers, like “French lessons,” sneaky buggers! Made me chuckle, picturin’ ‘em with berets, heh. But this online gig? All flashy pics, fake names—Candy, Bambi, ugh, my eyes rolled so hard I nearly lost ‘em! *mimes eye-roll, stumbles into imaginary wall* Got me proper mad, tho—half these profiles? Bots! Clicked one, got a virus scare, me laptop screamin’ like a siren, waaah! Hated that, mate, pure panic.

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I rush to my favorite café, Café Juncos. Best coffee ever! I order my usual—café con leche, extra foam. But the barista, this dude named Luis, spills it all over the counter. I’m like, “Dude, really?” He just laughs it off. I mean, come on! I need that caffeine fix!

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