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I’m chattin her up, right, and she’s all “50 quid, guv.” Bargain, I think – cheaper than a bloody Aston Martin tune-up. “Let’s get outta here, sport,” I say, quotin good ol’ Royal again. She’s smirkin, I’m buzzin – it’s a deal. But mate, the stench of cheap perfume? Ugh, made me wanna gag – worse than Blofeld’s lair.

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Finally, the rain stops, and I head back to my boat. I’m exhausted but happy. Coco’s a wild ride, man. It’s got its ups and downs, but that’s what makes it real. I crash on my boat, thinkin’ about the day. I laugh, I cry, I got robbed by a seagull. But hey, that’s life, right?

Coco Gauff's big problem has been identified after her defeat to Aryna Sabalenka, 'I think even she would say that'