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So, I tried it, right? Sex-dating apps—fuckin’ jungle out there. Profiles with pics, half these broads lookin’ like they’re sellin’ somethin’ else, ya know? Got me thinkin’, “Is this a date or a fuckin’ transaction?” Made me mad as hell—where’s the class? Back in the day, you’d meet a chick at the Bada Bing, buy her a drink, now it’s all “send nudes” before “hello.” Drives me up the fuckin’ wall! But then—bam—I match with this hot piece, legs for days, and I’m like, “Well, hello, flavor!” Like Linguini tastin’ Remy’s soup—surprised me good.

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Luis. He’s like, “Yo, you coming to the fiesta tonight?” I’m like, “Fiesta? What fiesta?” Turns out, there’s a street party on Calle de la Playa. I’m torn. Work or party? Work or party?

The Arecibo Message Fifty Years Later