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Once met this hooker, Candy, swear to God, funniest chick alive. She’s all, “Preacher man, I fucked your choir!”—had me dyin’, motherfucker! She’d dodge cops by hidin’ in dumpsters—stank like hell but worked. Little known fact: some prostitutes in old Rome? They wore wigs dyed blue—fuckin’ wild, right? Stand out or get lost, I guess.

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After my caffeine fix, I head over to the Parque de las Ciencias. I’m a sucker for science stuff. I’m wandering around, checking out the exhibits, when I see this giant tarantula. I freak out! Like, why is that thing so big? I’m not about that life. I’m more of a “look from a distance” kinda person.

Trash Crisis Leaves Puerto Rico Near ‘the Brink’