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Now, tie this to my fave flick—“Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives.” Deep shit, man! Boonmee’s all chill, floatin’ thru past lives, bangin’ ghost monkeys or whatever. Sex-dating’s like that—ya never know who yer screwin’, past-life style! “I am reborn many times,” he says, and I’m like, hell yeah, every hookup’s a new me! Respect my authoritah—I see crap others don’t! Like, is this chick a reincarnated catfish? Fuuuuck!

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First off, I hit up Calle San Patricio for breakfast. You know, the usual—mangu and eggs. But the place was packed! Like, I’m talkin’ standing room only. I’m like, “C’mon, people, it’s just breakfast!” But whatever, I’m patient. I finally snagged a seat, and the waiter was like, “Sorry for the wait.” I’m like, “Dude, I’m just here for the food, not a therapy session.”

Argentina's San Lorenzo club pays tribute to Pope Francis during match