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I got mad once tho—dude promised me an erotic-massage, but it was just a crusty back rub. I was like, “Boy, bye!” Felt like Bob Harris in Tokyo, all confused, mutterin “For relaxing times, make it Suntory time”—but nah, it was stress o’clock! Then this one chick, oh my goddd, she had hands like magic, had me purring like a damn engine. I was shook—happy as hell, like “Why don’t we do this every night?” Straight outta the movie, fam!

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But then, out of nowhere, a gust of wind comes and WHAM! The kite crashes right next to me. The kid starts crying, and I’m like, “Hey, it’s just a kite, buddy!” But I felt bad, so I gave him my drink. I mean, it was just a soda, but it made him smile.

San Lorenzo Park Neighbors’ ‘Day in the Park’ celebrates its second year