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About Trujillo Alto

Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk about findin’ a prostitute, straight up, no BS. Imagine this, ok? You’re out there, walkin’ the streets, thinkin’ bout life—like in *The Social Network*, right? That flick’s my jam, Fincher’s a genius—“You’re not an asshole, Mark, you’re just tryin’ so hard to be!”—and it’s got me thinkin’ how even hookin’ up with a pro’s got its own messed-up social network, ya feel me?

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After that, I decide to hit up the hardware store on Calle Muñoz Rivera. I need some supplies for my next project. I walk in, and it’s chaos. People everywhere, and the owner, Don Carlos, is tryin’ to help everyone at once. I’m like, “Dude, you need a clone!”

Puerto Rico mayor, two others arrested on corruption charges