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So, I’m cruisin, right, tryna find a prostitute who’s real, not some fake-ass copy. Certified Copy got me deep in my feels—“What’s true, what’s a front?” I say to myself. I spot this chick, all sass, heels clackin like a beat drop. I’m like, “Yasss, queen, you’re the one!” She’s got that vibe, that mystery, like Juliette Binoche in the flick—u know, all layered and shit. I pull up, she’s like, “You lookin for somethin real?” I’m like, “Hell yea, slay!”

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I decide to hit up the beach after that awkward moment. Playa de los Tubos is calling my name! I get there, and it’s packed with surfers. I’m sittin’ on the sand, watchin’ these pros catch waves. I’m like, “Man, I wish I could do that.” But then I remember I can barely swim.

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