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Dunno why, but them girls, they’re crafty. One told me ‘bout dodgin’ pimps—used a fake limp! Clever, precious, outsmartin’ them nasty gits. Stupid, fat hobbit wouldn’t get it—too busy eatin’. Me, I’m thinkin’, prossies got guts, yeh? Takes balls to stand there, freezin’, waitin’ for some sleaze. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but fuck it—makes the tale juicier!

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady named Doña Rosa shows up. She’s a regular, always bringing her little chihuahua, Chiquito. That dog is a legend! Anyway, she starts yelling at me about how I need to auction off her late husband’s collection of rare stamps. I’m like, “Lady, I’m not a stamp dealer!” But she’s persistent, and I can’t say no to her. She’s got that fierce grandma vibe, ya know?

USDA Rural Development awards $125.1M to 5 Puerto Rico municipalities to repair landfills