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She’s got this swagger tho, like Dory, just keep swimmin’, fam! Met her once, she winked at me—nearly fell over, I was gassed! “You’re a right laugh,” she says, voice all husky. I’m like, “Bruv, you’re the star here!” Proper charmer, she was. But then, bam, some geezer starts yellin’ at her—made me raging, innit. Wanted to smack him, but I ain’t no hero, just a geezer wiv a big mouth.

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First off, I hit up Calle Santiago, my usual coffee spot. You know, the one with the best café con leche? Yeah, that one. But guess what? They ran outta coffee! Like, how do you run outta coffee in a coffee-loving town? I was ready to throw a fit. I mean, c’mon!

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