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About Caguas

But, ugh, this one time, I saw this guy hasslin’ her, callin’ her names—made me SO mad, like, literally, who raised you, bro? I wanted to yeet him into the ocean, Toni-style, “You don’t get it, it’s performance art!” She didn’t even flinch tho, just flipped her hair and kept it movin’. Respect! I was shook—happy shook, ya know? Made me think, maybe whores got it figured out—ownin’ it, no apologies.

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Then, I decided to stroll down to the beach. Playa Guayanilla is a gem! The sun was shining, waves crashing, and I thought, “This is it!” But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and snatches my phone! I’m like, “Dude, that’s my lifeline!” I chased that bird down Calle 2, flailing my arms like a madman. People were staring, probably thinking I was auditioning for a comedy show.

Why so many earthquakes in Puerto Rico?