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Finding a prostitute ain’t easy, tho—shocker! Like, did u know some use burner phones only? Sneaky, right? I’m, like, “How do I even text u, babe?” Total mind-blow. I’m imagining me in a movie, all dramatic, hair in the wind, saying, “I just want to be seen,” like Mason’s sis in *Boyhood*. Deep, right? But, lol, I’d probs trip in my Louboutins first—clumsy Kim strikes again!

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We chat for a bit, and he tells me about his life. He’s from the mainland, visiting Culebra for the first time. I’m like, “You picked the right spot, my friend!” But then he starts complaining about the heat. I’m like, “Bro, it’s the Caribbean! What did you expect?”

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