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Little factoid for ya—whores in Victorian times? Wore red lipstick to stand out, like a freakin’ bat signal. Cool, right? Surprised me when I read it—thought it was just a slutty cliche! Nope, marketing, baby! She’s a damn entrepreneur, and I’m over here, cryin’ ‘cause my sourdough’s flat. Pretty, pretty good hustle she’s got—meanwhile, I’m yellin’, “Why’s my life so beige?!” like I’m in Haynes’ movie, but uglier.

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzed. It was my buddy, Luis. He was like, “Yo, you gotta check out the new food truck on Calle Muñoz Rivera!” I was like, “Dude, I’m drowning in spreadsheets!” But then he sent me a pic of these tacos that looked like they were made by angels. I was torn. Work or tacos? Tacos won.

$135M Emerald Vista mixed-use complex opens in Caguas