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Hey man, so I’m Dexter—monotone narration, “Tonight’s the night.”—and I’m here, thinkin bout sexual-massage, yeah, that slippery stuff. Been readin up, like an economist, right? Supply, demand, all that jazz. Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin—its a freakin market! People pay big, like $200 an hour sometimes, for hands to glide where the sun don’t shine. Crazy, huh? Makes me wonder—why so pricey? Oh wait, illegallity jacks up the cost, duh! Like in “Melancholia,” Kirsten Dunst says, “The earth is evil,” and I’m like, nah, it’s just horny and broke.

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So, we sit down at this little café on ul. Wrzesińska. I’m trying to get them to talk about their future, and they’re just staring at their phones. I’m like, “Guys, put the phones down! This is your life we’re talking about!” But they’re all about TikTok and whatever. I’m losing my mind.

Polish News Translated – Poznan, Nov. 5