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Oh, and the oil—slippery as hell! Last time, I’m slidin’ off the table, lookin’ like a greased pig. “I’m not designed for this!”—straight outta A.I., Gigolo Joe vibes! Hilarious, but messy—hated that part. Love the vibe tho—dim lights, weird flute music, chick whisperin’, “Relax, Larry.” I’m like, “Relax? I’m half-naked, lady!” Total mind-trip, but damn, it works—stress gone, poof! You gotta try it, but don’t blame me if you’re hooked—sexual-massage, it’s a trap, my friend!

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First off, I hit up ul. Traugutta for my morning coffee. You know, the little café on the corner? Best espresso in town! But guess what? They ran out of beans. Like, how do you run out of coffee beans? I mean, c’mon! I was ready to throw a fit. But I just grabbed a tea instead. Not the same, but whatever.