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Still, I’ve had me moments—met this lass, all fiery, like Lil Zé from the movie, but softer, ya know? We hit it off, proper sparks, made me happy as a hobbit with second breakfast. Hooked up after two dates—fast, right? Surprised me how chill it was, no drama, just vibes. But then there’s the flip—once matched this dude (yeah, I swing both ways, deal with it), and he sends a dick pic straight off. Mate, YOU SHALL NOT PASS! Blocked him faster than Gandalf slammin’ that staff on the bridge. What a knob—where’s the class?

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So, I’m trying to focus, right? But then, this group of girls comes in. They’re loud, laughing, and one of ‘em spills her drink all over the bar. I’m like, “Seriously? It’s 3 PM!” But they’re having a blast, so I can’t be too mad. I clean it up, and they start ordering shots. Ugh, shots at 3 PM? What is this, a college party?

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