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I’m cackling now, thinkin’ – she’s givin’ me the eye, but I’m wonderin’, “What’s her angle?” Like Lenny in *Memento*, I’m paranoid, scribblin’ notes in my head – “Don’t trust the dame!” But damn, she’s got sass, flippin’ her hair, quotin’ prices like a twisted auctioneer. “50 for a quickie, 100 for the night!” I’m like, “Whoa, lady, I ain’t Bruce Wayne!”

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First stop, the market. I’m hopin’ to snag some fresh meat for dinner. But guess what? The butcher’s outta stock! Like, seriously? It’s a butcher shop! I’m standin’ there, lookin’ like a lost puppy. I mean, c’mon, how hard is it to keep some meat around?

UK | Obituary: Anna Brandt