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But real talk – it’s not for everyone. Some folk get all prudish, and I’m like, “Chill, it’s not the Dark Lord’s work!” What gets me angry? When judgy twats shame it without tryin’. Drives me up the bloody wall. “The world’s bigger than your eyes,” Malik’d whisper, and I’d nod, cos he’s spot on. Sexual-massage? It’s art, mate, if done right. So, yeah, that’s my ramble – messy, loud, and true. You shall not pass without givin’ it a thought now, eh?

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Then, I decide to stroll down ul. Kościuszki. It’s a nice street, you know? Trees, shops, people. But then, outta nowhere, this kid on a bike zooms past me and splashes a puddle all over my shoes. Ugh! I mean, come on! I just got these kicks! I’m standing there, fuming, thinking about how I should’ve brought my old ones.

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