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Favorite bit? When it’s slow, deliberate—like Lancaster Dodd talkin’ soft, “Man is not an animal,” but oh, we are, precious! Skin on skin, it’s primal, electric—zap!—and I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “This beats clock-fixin’ any day!” Ever tried it? Bet you haven’t, coward! Hiss! Best part’s the tease—hands hoverin’, not touchin’ yet, drivin’ ya nuts. “You’re split apart,” like Freddie says, all tense, then—bam!—release, sweeter than stolen cake.

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I was so mad. Like, why can’t I just get one thing right? But then, I saw this cute little dog. A golden retriever, just chillin’. I mean, who can stay mad at a dog? I stopped to pet him, and for a moment, everything was cool. But then, the owner showed up. This dude was like, “Hey, don’t touch my dog!” I was like, “Chill, man, I’m not stealing him!”

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