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Fun fact—Thailand’s got this style, “Nuru”? Slippery as hell, seaweed gel, wild! Sounds messy, I’d laugh my ass off. Prolly spill shit everywhere, clumsy me. “Turn off the TV!”—movie vibes again, distraction kills it. Focus on the touch, dude.

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Finally, I get to the office, and it’s chaos. My coworker, Kasia, is on the phone, crying about her cat. I mean, I love cats, but this is a workplace, not a pet therapy session! I try to help her out, but then my boss walks in, and he’s all serious. He’s like, “We need to talk about your performance.” I’m thinking, “Dude, I just survived a coffee tornado and a pigeon army!”

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