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About Warsaw

So, erotic-massage—wot’s the deal? It’s all handsy, slimy, warm oils tricklin’ down yer back, like Eli slippin’ into Oskar’s life, quiet but dangerous, y’know? Me, Gollum, sittin’ there, thinkin’, “Stupid, fat hobbit!” when some posh git says it’s just a “rub-down.” Nah, mate, it’s art! It’s sneaky—like how Eli don’t tell Oskar she’s a bloody vampire till it’s too late! Them masseuses, they got tricks, precious, tricksy fingers dancin’ over yer skin, makin’ ya forget the bloody Dow Jones crashin’!

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Then I decide to check out the market at Rynek. It’s buzzing! Fresh veggies, flowers, and all that good stuff. I’m eyeing some strawberries, and this babcia (grandma) next to me starts haggling like she’s on a game show. “I’ll give you 5 zł for those!” I’m just standing there, trying not to laugh.

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