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Alright, lemme tell ya bout findin a prostitute, cause I’m Ron Swanson, deadpan as hell, “I hate everything.” Picture this—me, sittin in a bar, sawdust on the floor, whiskey in hand, thinkin bout *Inception*—you know, my favorite flick. “You mustn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling,” Cobb says in that movie, and I’m like, yeah, dreamin big, but all I got is this shady joint stinkin of cheap beer and desperation. Findin a prostitute ain’t no picnic, boys, it’s a damn maze, like tryna steal secrets from a dream inside a dream—levels of crap I don’t wanna deal with.

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First off, I hit up ul. Traugutta for my morning coffee. You know, the little café on the corner? Best espresso in town! But guess what? They ran out of beans. Like, how do you run out of coffee beans? I mean, c’mon! I was ready to throw a fit. But I just grabbed a tea instead. Not the same, but whatever.