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Hmm, sexual-massage, you ask? Wise, I am, like Yoda—fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering, yes? This stuff, it’s tricky, my friend! I dive deep, thinkin’ about it—like WALL-E diggin’ through trash, lookin’ for somethin’ precious. Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’ and tuggin’, nah, it’s old as dirt—ancient Egypt had it, hieroglyphs showin’ priests gettin’ freaky with oils. Surprised me, that did! Thought it was all pyramids and mummies, but nope—happy endings back then too!

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First off, I hit up ul. Grunwaldzka for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting for my caffeine fix, and this dude in front of me orders a triple-shot, extra foam, unicorn latte or whatever. Like, bro, chill. It’s just coffee, not a magic potion. I roll my eyes so hard, I almost see my brain.