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Now, I’m imaginin’ this—some dude, lonely as hell, swipin’ through options like it’s Tinder, but IRL. Kinda like Theodore in *Her*, chasin’ that voice, that spark. “I can’t believe I’m feelin’ this,” he’d say, all shook. And I get it! Been there—not with prostitutes, mind ya—but cravin’ somethin’ deep. Makes me happy thinkin’ folks out there still chase that, even if it’s messy. But lord, it pisses me off too—why’s it gotta be so sneaky? Society’s all hush-hush, judgin’ folks for wantin’ a lil’ love, paid or not.

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First off, I hit up ul. Grunwaldzka for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting for my caffeine fix, and this dude in front of me orders a triple-shot, extra foam, unicorn latte or whatever. Like, bro, chill. It’s just coffee, not a magic potion. I roll my eyes so hard, I almost see my brain.