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Now, listen, chile—erotic-massage ain’t just hands goin’ rogue. It’s ‘bout them nerves, them tingles, wakin’ up stuff you forgot you had! I’m over here cacklin’, thinkin’ ‘bout some fool tryna act cool while they slippin’ off the table, all oiled up! “The limit exists only in the soul,” Godard said—well, these folks’ souls must be limitless, ‘cause they out here buck naked gettin’ kneaded like biscuit dough! Hella funny, but I’m judgin’ too—don’t tell nobody, I’m secretly jealous! Ain’t nobody rubbin’ Madea’s bunions like that!

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But then, the mood shifts. A little girl, maybe 5, runs up to me with the biggest ice cream cone I’ve ever seen. It’s like a tower of sugar. She looks up at me and says, “Mister, you’re my hero!” I’m not gonna lie, my heart melted. I mean, who doesn’t love being called a hero? I told her to enjoy her ice cream and not to share it with the seagulls. Those little thieves are relentless!

Dedicate To A Fallen Uncle