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Personal quirk: I hate cold hands. If someone’s gonna massage me erotically, their hands better be warm, or I’m out, screamin’, “You’re no better than a Nazi with cold fingers!” Exaggeratin’, sure, but still. It’s the principle! And oils? Slippery as hell. One wrong move, and bam, you’re on the floor, laughin’ your arse off, or cryin’ if you’re me.

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Finally, I give up. I head back to the market, defeated but laughing at myself. I see the old dude again. He’s still there, and he’s got a huge grin. He hands me a piece of his homemade cake. I’m like, “Dude, you’re a lifesaver!” We share a laugh, and for a moment, the day doesn’t seem so bad.

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