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Exaggerating? Maybe, but it feels like a zoo. You’re dodging creeps, hoping for a decent shag. “Time bends,” Boonmee says, and yeah, you lose hours scrolling for a fit arse. Once saw a profile—lass with a pig filter saying “oink if ur horny.” Nearly spat me tea out—pure gold! So, sex-dating? It’s a laugh, a nightmare, a weird-arse trip. Like Uncle Boonmee, mate—beautiful, mad, and fucked up.

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But then, I find out the speaker is late. Ugh! I’m standing there, twiddling my thumbs, trying to look busy. I start chatting with some locals. They’re super friendly, but man, they love to talk! I’m trying to keep up, but my brain’s like, “Dude, slow down!”