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So, dig this—little known fact, yeah? Back in ancient Rome, they’d do these oily massages, full-on sensual, to “balance the humors.” Wild, huh? Makes me wanna shout, “Yeah, baby, balance me!” I tried it once—mate, this bird’s hands were magic, slidin’ like she’s dodgin’ Nazis in Saul’s camp. “No one escapes,” Saul whispers in my head, but damn, I escaped reality! Felt like a king, tho the bill pissed me off—50 quid? Robbery, baby!

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But then, something amazing happened. I met this old lady, right? She’s sitting next to me, knitting away. We start chatting, and she tells me about her garden. Turns out, she’s got the most insane collection of heirloom tomatoes. I’m talking colors I’ve never seen! She offers me some seeds, and I’m like, “Heck yes!” I mean, who wouldn’t want to grow rainbow tomatoes?

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