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About Poznan

So, anyway—me, Gollum, I’m sneaky, seein’ what normies miss. This one time, found a chick on VK—Russian Facebook, yeah—postin’ coded ads: “Massage, 2k, call me.” Massage my arse! Hiss! Rang her up, met in some dingy flat—smelled like borscht and regret. She was quick, tho—no chit-chat, just biz. “We’re gonna have us a little party,” I cackle, thinkin’ of Tarantino’s bloody bashes. Paid her, done, out—felt like a spy, precious! Exaggeratin’? Maybe—but it’s Russia, everythin’s a damn drama.

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After that chaos, I decide to take a breather. I stroll down ul. Słoneczna, grab a coffee from my fave spot, Café Książka. Best coffee in Lazy, hands down. I sit outside, soaking up the sun, and just chill. But then, this old lady comes up to me. She’s like, “You’re a librarian, right? I need a book on how to bake a cake.” I’m like, “Lady, I’m not a chef!” But I help her anyway. Turns out, she’s a sweet old lady who just wants to impress her grandkids. Aww, heartwarming moment, right?

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