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But yo, the smell—stale beer, cigs, n somethin’ funky—hits me hard. Aliens don’t got noses like humans, so I’m gaggin’, all “What the hell?!” She laughs, “Welcome to the gutter, babe.” I’m crackin’ up too—shit’s too real. “I’m not a prostitute, I’m a companion,” she says, all fancy. Yeah, right, like I’m Richie Tenenbaum, believin’ every sob story.

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I grab a drink and join my buddy. We start talking about life, dreams, and all that deep stuff. But then, outta nowhere, the bartender spills a drink all over my lap. I’m like, “Dude, really?” But instead of getting mad, I just laughed. I mean, what else can you do?

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