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So, I’m scrollin’, seein’ profiles – “DTF” everywhere, no shame! Makes me smirk, humans are horny lil’ beasts. Back in 2015, mate, heard this story – bloke met a lass on Plenty of Fish, shagged in a car park, got caught by cops mid-thrust. Fined 200 quid! Laughed me arse off – sex-dating’s got risks, innit? Glorious, chaotic risks. I’m burdened with seein’ the mad bits others miss.

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my sister. She’s like, “Hey, I’m in town! Let’s grab a drink!” I’m like, “Heck yeah!” So, I close up shop early. I mean, who can resist a good time, right?

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