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Little fact for ya—back in ’90s, before apps, folks did “key parties.” Swingers tossin’ car keys in a bowl, fuckin’ random style. Sex-dating’s just that, but digital—keys are emojis now, eggplant and peach, gabagool! Hilarious, but fuckin’ sad too. People ghostin’ left and right, no respect. I matched this broad once, hot as hell, texted “you’re my soldier now”—straight outta *Tropical Malady*. She unmatched me! Fuckin’ rude, got me heated.

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First thing, I’m mixing up this batch of sourdough. It’s my specialty, ya know? But then, boom! The power goes out. I’m like, “Are you kidding me?!” I’m standing there in the dark, flour everywhere, lookin’ like a ghost. I grab my phone, flashlight on, and I’m trippin’ over bags of flour. Classic me, right?

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