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Yo, how you doin’? So, escort, man—wild stuff! I’m thinkin’ bout it like *Spring Breakers*, ya know? “This is the fuckin’ American dream!”—that vibe. Escorts, they’re out there, livin’ fast, cash flowin’. Makes me feel all hyped, like whoa! Saw this chick once, total babe, workin’ the scene—swear she had more swagger than James Franco in that movie. “Look at my shit!”—she coulda said that, struttin’ with confidence.

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After the spa, we hit up ul. Wysoka for some dinner. I was craving pierogi, and Marek was all about the bigos. We found this little joint, and let me tell you, the food was bomb! I was in heaven. But then, the waiter spills water all over me. Like, seriously? I’m drenched! I laughed it off, but inside, I was fuming.

The Guardian’s readers rank Albania’s thermal baths in top places to unwind