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Favorite part? Power moves, baby! You text, “u up?”—total boss move. They reply, you’re gold—Trump-level negotiation! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but feels like winnin’ the presidency every time. Angry when they ghost, tho—rude, weak, pathetic! I’d never ghost, too classy, too tremendous.

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I’m trying to calm her down, but she’s losing it. “What do I do?!” she wails. I’m like, “Call a plumber, lady!” But she’s not hearing me. I grab my phone and start calling every plumber in the book. No one’s picking up. I’m about to lose it.

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