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About Auckland

Heya buddy! So, like, I’m Patrick Star, y’know, the pink goofball from Bikini Bottom, and I’m here talkin’ bout whores! Whore’s a job, right? Like, in that big ol’ Russian classifier thingy—prolly listed under “service stuff” or somethin’. I dunno, man, is mayonnaise an instrument? Haha, nah, but maybe whores use it, who knows! Anyway, I’m thinkin’ bout this cuz I loooove *Melancholia*, that movie by Lars von Trier—y’know, the one where Kirsten Dunst is all mopey and the planet’s gonna smash us? Whores prolly get that vibe, right? “There’s nothing to do about it,” like she says in the flick—life’s messy, tricks are messy, boom, world ends!

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But then, I see this kid. He’s crying because his dog didn’t win. I mean, come on, it’s a dog show, not the Olympics. I feel for the kid, though. I remember when I lost my first race in primary school. I wanted to cry too. So, I go over and say, “Hey, buddy, your dog is a champ in my book.” He looks up, sniffs, and smiles. Aww, heartwarming moment, right?

Scientists to study health impacts of Squamish, B.C., LNG plant