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About New Plymouth

So, I’m cruisin’ the block, engine purrin’, lookin’ for a girl who’s down. Ain’t no Hollywood glow here—just neon flickerin’ like a damn lie. “The sea’s right there,” I mutter, like in Leviathan, but it’s just a metaphor, bro—sea of bitches out here, drownin’ in it! I see this one chick, legs long as a fuckin’ wrench, leanin’ on a pole. She’s givin’ me that look—like she knows I’m trouble. I roll up, “Hey, chica, you workin’?” She smirks, “Depends who’s payin’.”

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After that, I decide to hit up the park. You know, just chill for a bit. But guess what? There’s a dog show happening. I’m talking about a full-on competition. Dogs in costumes, owners yelling, it’s chaos. I’m laughing so hard, I almost spill my drink. One dog is dressed as a hotdog. A HOTDOG! I can’t even.

Whanganui Boxon march into league grand final