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Brandon, he’d get it—sex is a trap, innit? “No control!” he’d moan, all messed up. Me, I’m just ragin’—happy when it’s quick, pissed when it’s a faff! Once saw a geezer hagglin’—10 quid off fer a limp! Laughed me head off, proper daft! Findin’ a prossie’s a gamble, mate—ya win some, ya lose some. We hates it, but we needs it, yesss, precious!

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Then, outta nowhere, I see this old dude feeding ducks. I’m talking about the kind of guy who’s seen it all. He looks at me and says, “You know, art is like these ducks. It’s messy, but it’s beautiful.” I’m like, “Dude, you’re deep.” I snap a pic of him and the ducks. Maybe I’ll use it for inspiration.

Departure bittersweet for Canterbury publicans