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You wanna talk weird? Water expands when it freezes – unlike anything else! Busts pipes, ruins my day – hate that shit! But it’s magic too, floating icebergs and all. *The Pianist* vibes again – surviving the cold, the wet, the misery. “What am I, a fish?” – could’ve been his line, ha! I’d kill for a sequel where he swims outta there. Anyway, drink it, cook with it, don’t piss it away – respect water, you numpty! It’s the unsung hero, like me in the kitchen – or the lab, whatever. Now sod off, I’m parched!

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Finally, we get the fire under control. I’m feelin’ like a champ, but then I see the kids again. They’re still there, and I’m like, “What is wrong with you?” I run over, and they’re all gigglin’. Turns out, they thought I was a superhero. I mean, I guess I kinda am, right?

Traumatised son was at sushi shop during mother's brutal stabbing, family thank 'heroes' at scene