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So escort – it’s them girls, sometimes guys, who roll with ya for cash, right? Not just sex, nah, don’t be dumb – it’s company, it’s actin’, it’s a damn performance! I read once – think it was some old-ass newspaper – this chick in Vegas, 80s, made bank escortin’ big shots, never even took her dress off! Just laughed at their shitty jokes, sipped martinis, pure class. Surprised me, man, thought it was all sleaze, but nah – some got style, playin’ the game smart.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Tongariro St. for my usual flat white. You know, the one with the barista who thinks he’s a latte artist? Yeah, that guy. He’s all about the foam art, but I just want caffeine, man! Anyway, I’m waiting, and this tourist walks in, all wide-eyed and lost. He’s like, “Where’s the lake?” I’m like, “Dude, it’s right there!” I point out the window, and he’s just staring at me like I’m speaking Martian. Classic Taupo moment, right?

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