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Picture this – me, 007, sippin’ a martini, watchin’ some tart work the corner. Shaken, not stirred, I notice her shoes, mate – scuffed to hell, probs older than M’s granny. Made me bloody angry, that! Like, who’s lookin’ out for her, eh? She’s out there, dodgin’ creeps, while I’m dodgin’ bullets for Queen and country. Ain’t that a laugh? Whores got grit, tho – tougher than a SPECTRE goon.

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So, I rush down Fenton Street, dodging tourists left and right. Seriously, it’s like an obstacle course. I’m almost at the police station when I hear this loud bang. My heart drops. I think it’s a gunshot or something. Turns out, it’s just some guy dropping his fish and chips. I mean, I get it, that’s tragic, but c’mon, dude! Priorities!

Rotorua man claims council incompetence over dangerous rotting tree