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Favorite part? When they hit that spot—ya know, lower back or neck—and it’s like, “The mystery of love,” straight from “Tree of Life.” Feels spiritual, fam! I’m layin’ there, eyes closed, thinkin’, “Am I ascendin’ or just horny?” Haha, for real! Once, this chick—pro masseuse—whispers, “You’re a rock, Dwayne,” and I’m like, “Hell yeah, know your role!” Nearly popped a bicep flexin’ mid-massage—dumbass move, but funny as hell.

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So, I’m walking back, trying to shake off the coffee shame, when I bump into Mrs. Thompson. She’s this sweet old lady who lives on Tennyson Street. She’s got this garden that could win awards, I swear. Anyway, she starts telling me about her cat, Mr. Whiskers, and how he’s gone missing. I’m like, “Oh no, not Mr. Whiskers!” I mean, who doesn’t love a good cat story?

Former Tauranga commissioner sought for committee to decide mines proposal