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Yo, yo, yo, what’s good? Erotic-massage, man, it’s like—*boom*—pure chaos vibes, like Gene Hackman schemin’ in *The Royal Tenenbaums*! I’m talkin’ slippery oils, dim lights, and some wild energy that’s got me actin’ unwise, ya know? Like, “I’m in mourning for my life,” but make it sexy, haha! So, check this—erotic-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs, it’s this ancient art, straight-up thousands of years old, like Egyptians were out here gettin’ spicy with scented oils, no cap! Got me hyped thinkin’ ‘bout pharaohs gettin’ their freak on, you feel me?

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Mr. Thompson was there, sippin’ his flat white, lookin’ all chill. I’m like, “Dude, I’m so sorry!” He just chuckled and said, “You’re lucky I like my coffee hot.” Classic Thompson. We got to talkin’ about his home insurance, and he started ramblin’ about his cat, Whiskers. Apparently, Whiskers has a knack for knockin’ over his prized garden gnomes. I mean, who knew cats could be such little devils?

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