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I got pissed, tho, last week—some chick tried scammin’ me! Said she’s “top tier,” wanted cash upfront, then poof—gone like WALL-E’s trash piles in the wind. Fuckin’ ghosted me! Had me yellin’, “In this world, a man’s gotta have balls!”—straight up Tony vibes, ya feel? But then, I found this one spot, lil’ hidden gem, down by the docks. Word is, there’s this gal, been workin’ it since the ‘90s, knows every trick—calls herself “Eve” like that sleek bot from the flick. Ain’t that a trip? Made me laugh, thinkin’ she’s out there savin’ my lonely ass like WALL-E tryna save Earth.

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9 Alpine Grove. Kelvin Grove, Palmerston North City. Open Sun 6 Apr, pm. Enquires Over $, 3 2 2. House. listing item. Open Sun 6 Apr, 2.

So, I chugged that latte (ugh) and decided to stroll down to the park. You know, the one by the Kelvin-Grove School? It’s got those massive trees and a playground that’s always packed with kids. I was just vibing, listening to my tunes, when BAM! A soccer ball comes flying at me. I ducked just in time. Kids these days have no aim! I turned around, and this little dude was like, “Sorry, mate!” I couldn’t help but laugh. Kids are hilarious.

Future Islands Kelvingrove Bandstand Stage Times: Glasgow gig set times, support, tickets, setlist, age restrictions