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So, I’m scrollin’, right? And I see this chick—gorgeous, I mean, wow! Bio says, “Lookin’ for fun, no strings.” Perfect! I’m in! But then—THEN—she ghosts me! After two messages! Two! I’m like, “What am I, chopped liver?” Made me so mad, I yelled at my phone—neighbors prob’ly think I’m nuts now. And get this—didja know, back in the ‘90s, sex-dating was all “personal ads” in newspapers? Yeah! Little known fact—people wrote, “SWF seeks SWM for discreet fun.” No pics, no swipes—just blind faith! Wild, right? Now it’s all “dick pics or bust.” Disgustin’!

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I'm taking in all that Howick has to offer and find-a-prostitute is terrific! I long to run my fingers through your hair. With French Kissing and Prostate.

So, I dash outta my place, and the streets are buzzing. You know how it is on Moore Street, right? People everywhere, kids running around, and I’m just trying to dodge them like I’m in some sort of obstacle course. I swear, if one more kid bumps into me, I’m gonna lose it.

Person dies after car crashes into building in Auckland's Howick