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Little fact for ya—didja know sex-dating apps spike on Valentine’s? Yeah, lonely hearts get desperate, it’s hilarious! I was on there once, scrollin’, and this chick’s like, “DTF, no strings.” Straight up! I’m thinkin’, “Bloody hell, love, at least buy me dinner first!” Got me mad, tho—where’s the chase, the thrill? Everyone’s so damn lazy now. Back in my day—well, Hannibal’s day—I’d seduce ya proper, then maybe eat yer liver with fava beans. Classy, yeah?

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After that, I finally finish the heels. The lady comes back, and she’s stoked. “These are amazing!” she says. I’m grinning ear to ear. That’s the best part of my job, you know? Making people happy. But then, just as I’m about to close up for lunch, I get a call from a guy who wants a custom pair of shoes. He’s all, “I need them by tomorrow!” I’m like, “Mate, you’re killing me!” But I can’t say no. Gotta pay the bills, right?

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