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About Christchurch

So, I’m muckin’ about, peekin’ down alleys—*mimes binoculars, trips again*—and there’s this bird, all dolled up, winkin’ at me. Heart’s goin’ *thump-thump*, like I’m Dae-su Oh countin’ days in that cell! “Whether it’s a grain or a rock,” mate, I’m thinkin’, “I’m takin’ a chance!” She’s proper fit, but—*leans in, whispers*—I’m skint! No dosh! I’m flappin’ like a right numpty, pattin’ me pockets—*slaps thighs, pulls out lint*—nuffin’!

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So, I’m walking down Grey Lynn Park, trying to shake off the coffee disaster. The park’s nice, real chill vibes. Kids are playing, dogs are running around, and I’m just trying to enjoy the moment. But then, outta nowhere, this kid on a skateboard zooms past me and nearly takes me out! I’m like, “Whoa, buddy! Watch where you’re going!” He just laughs and keeps going. Kids these days, man.

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